The Onion Features Lincoln Eliot Elementary School

The Onion Features Lincoln Eliot Elementary School

Wow, a Newton elementary school is featured in The Onion, the well known satirical website!

The Onion Features Lincoln Eliot Elementary School

 image from The Onion

Elementary Schoolers Depressed After Getting Look At Voters Filing Out Of Gymnasium

NEWTON, MA—Looking out their classroom windows at the masses of dejected and weary adults throughout the school day, students at Lincoln Eliot Elementary School told reporters this afternoon that they could not help but feel deeply depressed after catching sight of local voters filing out of their school’s gymnasium. “They look so sad,” said second-grader Tyler Quinn, who explained that it made him feel “really bad” to see midterm voters’ frowning faces and tired-looking eyes as they slowly shuffled out of the building’s rear exit and across the school property. “Oh, no. It must be real bad in the gym if they all come out looking like that. I don’t ever want to vote.” At press time, several third-graders were noting that while the sight of the downtrodden voters heading off toward the parking lot was heartbreaking, it was at least a relief to see that there weren’t very many of them.

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